You are correct that there are non-sexist reasons a person might make a statement that is ultimately perceived as sexist. The issue is not one of intent, which is why I’ve been super focused on actions in this conversation. There are certain actions that are culturally loaded because of the sexist history behind them, and questioning whether a woman knows what she’s doing during the picking stages is one of them. The optimal outcome is to be aware of these loaded actions and avoid them regardless of your beliefs about gender or sexism, knowing that avoiding these things is no skin off your teeth and has the added benefit of making other people feel more comfortable in your scene.
Edited to add: Actually, just go read COW’s post in the Sexism in Pinball thread, he says what I’m saying with more examples.