Socializing with others is not one of my favorite things about pinball. Never has been. When I was a kid, I just wanted to play the game, maybe earn a replay, etc.
That said, I have the same expectations in public about personal space and not being a jerk as I do when I’m playing at home.
Intent doesn’t matter, people are made uncomfortable by those actions. I would feel extremely marginalized and unsafe if many of these things happened to me, and would also be quite unhappy if someone told me to smile more. That particular comment from dudes is cringe-worthy, and of course happens in more than just the pinball setting.
Competitive play doesn’t interest me in the least, and much less so when I hear that this kind of thing is going on (today? 2016?). Barf. The fact that it is not surprising is just sad.
I understand all of these examples, but the one I’m sure I’ve done myself is the ‘hey, you won a replay’ thing (mostly to folks that I suspect have never played pinball before). Winning free credits has always been a big deal (to me), so I want to make sure that it’s clear that a person is leaving money on the table if they’re walking away from a game with credits on it. This is especially true of match credits. I frequently would miss a match when I went off to go get more quarters as a kid. I do see that it can be patronizing. I’ll certainly stop doing that in the future. Winning during gameplay is another thing, and people typically know that, especially on modern games that scream, “replay” at the top of their lungs. Again, intent doesn’t matter - now that I know it makes people uncomfortable, I won’t do it any more.
I’ve also explained bingos to men and women, but in the context of a pinball show or at my house, when I see them walk up and look for flippers with a puzzled expression on their faces… and ask if they would like to know how to play. I’ve had one person say ‘no’ (at a show), and I left them alone. I only offer other info if asked on other games. Many many people know how to shoot the X to lock Y or get Z points. I can’t really stop offering to give an explanation at shows (for bingos) or people will not play the games. They plunge between 3 and 5 balls and walk away. Male, female, adult, child. Once they get a tutorial, many play several games. If this is something that would make you uncomfortable, please let me know and I’ll alter my behavior at shows. These are not ‘plunge and flip’ games, and require you to read what’s happening with each ball. Chess vs. checkers.
I’ve known too many women who have been hurt by dudes to be skeptical about anything they say about being uncomfortable/hurt/etc. Really, it only takes one.